Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
