3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
