he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
