My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
