My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
