I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
