dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Who died my cat blue again?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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