What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
