you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
