i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
