Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
