That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
