I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
