Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
