she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
