my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
