he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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