I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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