I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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