My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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