I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
