we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
