Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
