Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
