its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
