So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
