I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
