Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
