the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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