why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
