so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
