her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
