Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
