You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
