Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
