I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm passing your future prison.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
