So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
