Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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