Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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