you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
