last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I skipped work to stalk him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
