I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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