new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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