i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
