you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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