the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
