he puts the penis in happiness.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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