I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
