i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
