We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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