wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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